yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
