my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
