My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
