Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize