it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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