i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
