I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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