I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
