Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
