That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
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I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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