just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
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He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
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I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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