a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
