You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
