Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
