Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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