I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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