no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
