The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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