i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
