Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Having a random hookup so left but love u
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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