I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
