I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
