When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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