Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
