i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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