That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
