Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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