I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
