ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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