I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize