if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
