Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
