don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
