Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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