when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
