I'm so fucking centered right now
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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