Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
