If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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