you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
