we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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