Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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