I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
