Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
