is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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