Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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