When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
