So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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