What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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