Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
