Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
