By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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