If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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