just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My dick has a subreddit
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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