please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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