I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
