nut hugger
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
