I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
