Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
