Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He shit in the fireplace
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
