You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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