I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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