god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
