Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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