She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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