And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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