He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
