i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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