So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
