Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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