That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
