I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
